It wasn't that he didn't care. She knew he did. It was just that they have a different approach when it comes to communication, and that they have different views when it comes to relationships. It was just that they were never in the right time to be together. She was ahead of him or he was ahead of her, or simply, they both could not see how to fit each other in the current state of their individual lives.
Now that there was some time spent away, a needed distance without any influence from each other, she started to think about the little things that she might have overlooked. The little things that mattered.
The way he responds unempathetically to her when she shares something that makes her feel anxious. The way he sounds argumentative over simple conversations which made her feel that he has this need to always be right. The way he once told her that he was not interested in her THAT way.
That was not exactly something little. It was actually the deal breaker.
Why then would he even bother to get in touch with her again? Was it not clear to her that he can't, didn't want to, and wouldn't be moving his world to be with her? She shouldn't even bother now. She shouldn't even allow him to cause confusion in her life as she moves away from the old skin she left behind.
She needed structure and stability. He doesn't have it for her. While they both love a life of adventure and travel, and that degree of detachment from certain things, she craved for something deeper that he admittedly, honestly, couldn't give her. How can, after giving herself time to flow through the emotions of salvaging a friendship seized by an undeniable sexual attraction, two years apart change any of the words he left with her?
She needed to walk away, she knew, because what else could she do?
He was scared, he told her that night. He was scared of losing her - their friendship - after realizing that the physical intimacy they shared was something they could never take back. She took a deep breath then and told him, "Who knows if we would still be friends in the future?" She told him she just wanted to enjoy the moment with him, and to take whatever she can from the experiences and memories they made together. To which he also agreed.
Reality was she was scared too. She was scared of losing the connection she had with such a beautiful soul - one that showed her parts of herself that she had consciously hidden from people. He had taught her more about her sexuality, the power that she had above any man she chooses to be with, and she flourished with it as she learned more about herself and the vulnerabilities and dominance of a man.
He was a creature of freedom, and she was too. They are far more alike, perhaps, than they would care to even consider. But she wanted roots. She wanted to be grounded in any way that she can. He, on the other hand, is discovering how it is to be a nomad, to be unattached, to be young. Maybe this is why she feels they would have difficulties finding a solid ground for a relationship. Despite the strong connection they may have, despite the soul mates that they are, she knew that she could only hold him a minute from an eternity - and she already did.
She had to let him go, and allow him to be free as he wants to be.
