Showing posts with label I Am A Woman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Am A Woman. Show all posts

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Reunion: By The City of Refuge


* "Passage to Eden", Ivan Torrent, Immortalys

One step more.

She looked up at the night sky to see the stars.  They shone brightly against the moonless expanse above her.  She blinked and turned her eyes to the horizon.  She could almost see the outlines of a city.

She had left her white steed in the care of her companions after it was wounded in the last battle, one that had taken much of their energies and had pushed them to seek the inner sanctums built by the great elders in the mountains.  They had stayed there for a period of time and tried to pass on the songs of their journeys to each other and to those who were willing to listen as they recuperated from the deep wounds when their Motherland fell.  The white steed, decked in nobility its own race was known for, chose to stay in the inner sanctums and bid its farewell to her the morning she left for her next voyage.  Some chose to stay in the mountains.  They settled in small villages as they tried to remember the glory of Mu.  Some decided to continue their journeys to find new places to settle.  Some were drawn to find others whom they have left behind to answer the Clarion Call.  For Wa Su Nah, she felt she needed to journey to another great land.  To her understanding, her task was done and she was free to receive what is due to her by the Great Spirit.  She was called to go North, to walk by foot as necessary, and take only what is needed in her personal migration.

Now, she was on her journey to find the City of Refuge, to find those who survived the Great Upheaval.  Her process of healing was drawing to a close.  It was time to find a new home for her to live out the rest of her days, and to put behind her undertakings as a warrior of Motherland Mu.  She has fulfilled the sacred covenant, and in peace she will try and find those who can continue the next journey with her.  Until she is called again, until such a time she hears the Great Goddess summoning for her again.

One more step, she pushed herself.

As if to encourage her, a soft breeze gently touched her face.  She stopped, almost as if she was splashed with cold water in the middle of the night.

She raised her nose, allowing the smell to fill her senses.  A familiar scent.  She closed her eyes and took in more air.

"This scent."  Her heart pounded as if it wanted to burst through her chest.  "His scent."

Her eyes darted straight to where the tiny lights beckoned to her.

How many years has it been?  How long have they been apart?

The wind, her faithful messenger, had now brought to her a familiar scent.  One that smelled of home.  Her home.

"He is here," it said.

With effort, she took more steps towards the city.  Her body almost shaking as she calmed herself and focused on releasing the tension from her aching legs.  She had been directed to the right place.

She felt her heart swell, and she felt a force flowing up from the earth through her body, a renewed strength.

She knew his scent.  She knew it so intimately, and now she is breathing it again.  She remembered how it felt to be against his skin, remembered how strong his arms were, and how warm and deep the kisses they shared.

Her exhaustion from this journey to the City of Refuge left her.  It did not seem too long and too arduous now.

"He is here."  She whispered.

She took another step, pushed her body up the small hill and raised her head to see how much farther she needed to go.

She stopped as she saw an outline of a tall man waiting.

For once, everything was still.  Under the stars, under the sky waiting for a new moon to appear, the recognition was undeniable.

"Wa Su Nah."  It was his voice.

Not even her tears dared to fall.

Her lips parted but only a short, quiet sigh escaped from them.

She felt a smile form.  She closed her eyes, took in a long breath, and saw...

Their parting, his buried tears, his confusion, his battles, the pain and the injuries inflicted upon him.  She felt all of them.  She felt his anguish and his fears.  She saw the many battles he fought and what it took to overcome them.

She breathed out, still with her eyes closed, and saw...

His hands reaching up to the sky on a clear day, and his searching eyes on the nights he read the stars and wandered aimlessly with many moons passing.  She felt his strength and his courage, and the hope he carried with him.  She saw his spirit, bright and beautiful, as it has always been.  She felt his tenderness as he cared for those who sought his help, his fervency as he fought to save others.  She saw him in his pure, glorious form, and her whole being felt at peace.

She opened her eyes, bringing herself back to where she was - on the hill, by the City of Refuge with the man she loves waiting for her.

He started to walk towards her.

"Wa Su Nah."  He called her name again.

She smiled as he came to her.  She held out her arms to reach for him - a warrior like she was and is, her warrior.

One step more.

"I am here," she said.  "I am here."

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Hello Sister Soraya

Like flowers we bloom
In our own time
Our petals softly kissed
By the rain
and we bask in bright colors
As the sun touches us
We are gifts of nature
You and I, and the Earth Mother
takes us in her hands
Lovingly, always, lovingly
We are nourished and safe.

Know that you are always in the highest of my prayers and know that I love you, sister!

Friday, January 5, 2018

Give Up

You cannot change a man.  He has to do it on his own, to will it himself.  There is no amount of influence that can make him see you the way you want him to especially when he's already decided about the kind of life he wants to live.  Remember that a man will make the necessary steps to be with you if he really wants to, and that the only time you should put effort in building a relationship with him is when there is reciprocity between the two of you.

Thursday, January 4, 2018

A Minute from An Eternity

It wasn't that he didn't care.  She knew he did.  It was just that they have a different approach when it comes to communication, and that they have different views when it comes to relationships.  It was just that they were never in the right time to be together.  She was ahead of him or he was ahead of her, or simply, they both could not see how to fit each other in the current state of their individual lives.

Now that there was some time spent away, a needed distance without any influence from each other, she started to think about the little things that she might have overlooked.  The little things that mattered.

The way he responds unempathetically to her when she shares something that makes her feel anxious.  The way he sounds argumentative over simple conversations which made her feel that he has this need to always be right.  The way he once told her that he was not interested in her THAT way.

That was not exactly something little.  It was actually the deal breaker.

Why then would he even bother to get in touch with her again?  Was it not clear to her that he can't, didn't want to, and wouldn't be moving his world to be with her?  She shouldn't even bother now.  She shouldn't even allow him to cause confusion in her life as she moves away from the old skin she left behind.

She needed structure and stability.  He doesn't have it for her.  While they both love a life of adventure and travel, and that degree of detachment from certain things, she craved for something deeper that he admittedly, honestly, couldn't give her.  How can, after giving herself time to flow through the emotions of salvaging a friendship seized by an undeniable sexual attraction, two years apart change any of the words he left with her?

She needed to walk away, she knew, because what else could she do?

He was scared, he told her that night.  He was scared of losing her - their friendship - after realizing that the physical intimacy they shared was something they could never take back.  She took a deep breath then and told him, "Who knows if we would still be friends in the future?"  She told him she just wanted to enjoy the moment with him, and to take whatever she can from the experiences and memories they made together.  To which he also agreed.

Reality was she was scared too.  She was scared of losing the connection she had with such a beautiful soul - one that showed her parts of herself that she had consciously hidden from people.  He had taught her more about her sexuality, the power that she had above any man she chooses to be with, and she flourished with it as she learned more about herself and the vulnerabilities and dominance of a man.

He was a creature of freedom, and she was too.  They are far more alike, perhaps, than they would care to even consider.  But she wanted roots.  She wanted to be grounded in any way that she can.  He, on the other hand, is discovering how it is to be a nomad, to be unattached, to be young.  Maybe this is why she feels they would have difficulties finding a solid ground for a relationship.  Despite the strong connection they may have, despite the soul mates that they are, she knew that she could only hold him a minute from an eternity - and she already did.

She had to let him go, and allow him to be free as he wants to be.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Gentleness

Gentleness, she thought.  It was what she knew she needed from him, and something she felt she deserved.

As another day drew to a close, she found herself wondering if he actually thought about being a little more gentle with her, if it even crossed his mind.  The world had rigged young minds with the idea that women went for the bad boys, the ones who held them by strings and drove them crazy, the ones who held them at arm's length.  Women were supposed to be drawn to those kind of men.  But not her.  Maybe that was the case when she was younger and stupid, but not enough for her to get all tangled up with the drama.  She always drew back when she felt played.  She always thought games were for the weak and for those who have too much time to waste.

She knew herself well enough, after the relationships she's had and the ones that surrounded her, that she didn't buy off from the predispositions about the opposite sex, the packaged "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" and "He's Not That Into You" bestselling books.  She promised herself that she would learn and know men from the way they truly are, and how they treated her.

That is how she understood that she needed gentleness from him, and the space to understand where to place him in her life at this moment.  She needed a reason to keep him a part of her life.

Is it worth it?  Is he worth it?  Is he capable of giving what she needs and wants as a woman - that gentleness she craved for - so that she can open herself up completely to him, and allow him to experience the love she has and is capable of giving?  Is he even willing?

Monday, January 23, 2017

Into The Light (My 1st FB Post That Went Viral)

 

Stuff I learned about feminism in the Philippine context over the past few months:
1) I will not use the #EveryWoman hashtag when I deliberately do it to gain sympathy and to avoid answering for my faults/crimes/stupidity.
2) I will not cry #Misogyny when my enemy fights back (with facts).
3) I will honor the relationships/marriages of men I like and will not succumb to the #FrailtiesOfAWoman.
4) I will research more about the cultural context before backbiting him when my boss announces to an audience that I have #SmoothKnees.
5) I will admit I have smooth knees and get down to work instead of continuing to use my #PseudoFeminism banner.
6) I will not hide behind the #CloakOfReligion and let myself be called a saint or the Virgin when clearly I'm not.
What about you? What did you learn?